It has been a year since I retired and I have got to tell you, I thought I was ready but I was not. I am not referring to financial matters, mind you. I am referring to the lifestyle and emotional sides of the equation and what I knew was coming but was ill-prepared to deal with. No one warned me that getting up each day without deadlines would not be easy, nor did anyone tell me how leaving the working world (or in my case the full-time blogging world) would seem like my own personal fall from grace.
Whether you are young and simply dreaming about retirement, or older and just beginning to dip your toes into the possibility, I hope you can learn something from my experience and find your own path to a fulfillment during this new and wonderful phase of your life.
Retirement: The First Few Months
1. You are going to want to do nothing and in doing that nothing, will feel like something is wrong with you.
During those first few months, you will likely banish deadlines from your daily task list and may even banish the task list entirely.
I did and with it came a lot of guilt. I felt like a good-for-nothing slug and even though I got up every day, dressed and made up to the usual nines, I could not help but feel worthless. I later found that feeling this way is normal. Embrace this time and enjoy it. You have worked hard for a zillion years, so take a nice long staycation and recognize it for what it is.
2. Household chores and the never-ending backlog of to-dos will consume every waking hour.
Notwithstanding those abandoned deadlines, at some point, you will need to start tackling those household projects that have been on the backburner for months if not years.
In my case is what a remodel of my Rim Country home in Arizona. Although it had good bones and an acre of forested land, it needed some major updates to the kitchen and bathrooms, as well as to lighting, fixtures, and appliances. The outdoor space had to be cleared and Firewise-d and glorified to enhance outdoor living.
With the lack of other meaningful work, this remodel became my mission along with other household chores. Having a major project was, for me, a blessing.
3. Once you retire, don’t expect the friends you made in the workplace to keep in touch.
As much as I reached out to my former colleagues, most ignored me. One special person, however, did keep in touch. Daisy Luther, you are the best and I am so grateful you have stuck by me during this transitionary period in my life!
4. The things you thought would be great are MEH.
The Urban Dictionary defines MEH as “Indifference; to be used when one simply does not care”.
That pretty much sums up those things that I thought would be great but turned out to be non-issues. Examples? Things like sleeping in, spending hours in the kitchen producing gourmet meals, and making a daily trip to the gym.
All I can say is this: be flexible and more than a little bit adventurous. The things you had looked forward to may fall by the wayside but new things may take their place.
Retirement: Six Months Later
5. Recognize that if you are going to have a fulfilling retirement, you are going to have to put yourself out there and make new friends.
Part two of this is that you don’t have to be a social butterfly if you do not want to. The choice is yours so listen to your inner self and stick to it. Don’t let yourself be guilt-ridden by new acquaintances who chide you for not taking advantage of the amenities your HOA and community may offer. These people are not your friends if they do not recognize that your needs are different.
Put yourself out there until you find friends that are more simpatico.
6. There is a huge divide between retirees that were self-employed or worked for small businesses, and those with big, fat monthly pension payments.
Since my retirement is self-funded, I am very careful with my money. That said, it is demoralizing to be around people with big fat pensions who live high on the hog, even in retirement. Perhaps the last laugh is on them, though, since my home is paid for and theirs is not. Still, it is easy to become envious from time to time.
Thank goodness I still prefer DIY and frugality over conspicuous consumption.
7. Pursuing your passions in terms of hobbies becomes the secret key to finding your personal happy place.
Ballroom dancing, adult coloring, and essential oils are my passions and spending time with these hobbies takes me to a happy place that is quite fulfilling.
Of the three, ballroom dancing has taken on new meaning since my husband Shelly, and I have started performing at senior homes and retirement centers in the Phoenix valley. There is something about music and dance that wakes something up in everyone, and I am so blessed to have connected with a production company that allows us to volunteer our time in this manner.
When it comes to adult coloring, I am finding that over time, my skills have expanded exponentially to the point where some of my drawings are truly beautiful. For someone who was never artistic in any way, spending at least an hour a day producing beautiful artwork is both a privilege and joy that I could never pursue while working full-time. Here is a link to an article I wrote about getting started with adult coloring.
And then there are essential oils. Like a kitchen chemist, I make up my own first-aid and healing concoctions as well as DIY skin-care care products. Truth be told, some things I try are fantastic and some not so much. One thing I have learned, though, is that many of the essential oil recipes you find online and especially on Pinterest are a total waste of time. money, and effort. Doesn’t anyone test these things?
When it comes to essential oils, to this day my go-to is still Miracle Healing Salve (that you can make yourself) using inexpensive Rosemary, Peppermint and Lavender essential oils.
Retirement: One Year Later
8. The reality of less cash flow begins to sink in.
Eventually, money matters can and will bubble to the top as you think about your cash flow. If you are a Baby Boomer, you might recall that as recently as ten years ago, financial gurus were basing retirement cash flow projections on an 8% to 10% return on your savings. Anyone who suffered during the crash of 2008 and 2009 can attest not only to the fallacy of those projections but to the tendency to now focus on capital preservation rather than growth.
Although I own two homes and both are free and clear, I have started to worry about cash flow and the effect of inflation on the purchasing power of my savings. It is a legitimate worry and one that should not be ignored by retirees regardless of how comfortable they are financially.
9. No matter what, you must find your own path and do what you want to do and not what others tell you.
I wish someone had told me this before I retired. Life is going to change. It may be better and hopefully, will not be worse. One thing for sure, though, is that it is going to be different.
Be prepared to set your own path and create your own journey. Perhaps you want to travel (I don’t; been there done that), or perhaps you want to learn a new skill. Take some time in advance to create a bucket list to use as a starting point during those first few months and give yourself permission to change things around as you see fit.
The last thing you want to do is to go into retirement blindly, without a sense of what comes next. What comes next is important, even if you only have an inkling of what that next thing will be.
10. Depending on your age, you still have 20 or 30 productive years left. Don’t waste this time thinking you are at an end game.
Think back to where you were twenty years ago. Then think about all of your accomplishments during that 20 year period. See what I mean? There is still plenty of time to do, to be, and to achieve. It is all up to you.
Summing It All Up
Out of curiosity, I entered the title of this article into Google and the entire first page of search results had to do with finances, investing, expenses, and all things money related. Whereas money matters are indeed important, there is so very much more to retirement planning than that.
I am lucky. I have found a number of hobbies that I love, a way to volunteer in my community while doing something I love and have sufficient savings to be able to sleep at night without worrying too much about running out of funds. As long as I am careful, that is.
Life, for me, is very good and now that I am over the initial shock of retirement, I embrace the fact that there are 24 hours in my day and that I can do whatever I please. If there is anything missing, it is the joy I found in blogging about preparedness and the ancillary topics of self-reliance, wellness of mind and spirit, and essential oils. Wait a minute! Isn’t that what Strategic Living is all about?
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Gaye, at 70, I’m still looking for “retirement”! I collect my SS, but I still have to work, just not as hard. I am self-employed as a seamstress, and there are darn few of us around. But, I also enjoy the needlearts as a hobby, and am getting to do some of the things I put back for “when I retire”. My head had to rearrange itself, but I get to spend some time doing “me” things and that is good. Just got a handheld ham radio and will set it up and get my license in the next month, playing with lotions and salves, and experimenting with dehydrating. I have yet to figure how to do nothing, like a lot of people do, but my brain is always going. That’s a blessing and a curse! And, in case I might not have something to do, I have 14 grandchildren that are in and out. I didn’t have a plan for retirement, just playing it by ear. I think God laughs when we make too many plans! I really enjoy your posts.
You are blessed to have a skill that allows you to work as much or as little as you want or need to going forward. I felt the same way about my accounting work until blogging took over and I dropped all of my clients. I did keep two but they are very small potatoes at under $1000 a year.
Thanks for hanging in there with me. Us old guys and gals need to stick together!
Your retirement is going well.😁 In August it will be a year for me. Mine started out pretty much like you said. Then I ended up caring for my sister for a couple of months. Starting this year, hubby started a new business at age 71. There was a lot of stress. I started not feeling well & I thought it was from all the stress. NOT. Had my gallbladder removed & found out it was cancerous. This kind of cancer is extremely rare. So now I’m traveling a new retirement road. Part scary & part adventurous.
I am so sorry to hear about your illness. Although there is nothing I can do to help, per se, I am sending a positive vibe your way. Be well and thanks for dropping by.
Another good thoughtful article thank-you Gaye. I miss your blogging so it is always a treat to see a new one. I am starting to look at the light at the end of the work tunnel. In the next year or two, close enough I get asked at least once a day at work what my plans are. (Depends on the next union contract this fall). I am struggling with what this will mean. I am at the best I will be in my skills (cardiac nurse) but am getting tired of the emotional drain of it all. And I am still strong enough to do it. So thinking about all the things you said is very timely for me.
Right now I am reading “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin and this has me thinking about a lot of things. I really worry about the friends thing – and I have a lot of family here and they need help. So friend making will be something to seriously think about. Thanks again, keep on your dancing shoes!
Thanks for the heads up on “The Happiness Project”. I just ordered a copy and can’t wait to read it. https://amzn.to/2KgOvmR
Gaye
Hi Gaye,
I am always pleased to see an email from you in my inbox. I enjoy reading about what you and Shelly are doing. It would be interesting to learn why you and Shelly chose AZ as your new home. When I lived there I was always concerned about running out of water. 🙂
Why we chose Arizona? Great question.
I would say warm and sunny weather, cost of living (especially housing), few natural disasters, access to quality healthcare, and a favorable political climate. We moved here without knowing a single person and although I miss the salt water, I have no regrets. For us, this was a good move.
Gaye,
Miss reading you and all your wonderful advice! Whenever I see you in my mailbox it always makes my day. Thank you for this thoughtful and timely (for me) article. Retirement doesn’t mean laze around, you have to keep busy. My grandpa used to say, “Use it or lose it!”
Jo
First and most importantly, thank you for continuing to write. I eagerly look for your posts as I miss Backdoor Survival.
‘IF Only’ my 25 yr old self could have listened to my 68 yr old self, boy would things be different. Sure, having more money would be nice, but I can’t seem to develop the ‘fire in the belly’ necessary to commit to starting a business even though there are things I could do. Right now I’m striving to write. The biggest hangup I have is my real and imaginary (irrational?) fear of social media. All the book marketing gurus say social media is not optional, it is mandatory.
Please keep writing and inspiring, I need it.
Hi David – Awwwwww. What nice words.
As far as social media goes, yes, it is a blessing and a curse. Personally, I hate it and rarely post to my personal page. On the other hand, every website owner and writer/author must have a social following or no one will find him or her. That said, if you have something to write about and really want to do so, get your manuscript started and worry about the social media aspect later. After all, that is something you can outsource.
Gaye
Oh my!! I felt like you wrote that article just for me 😁. And you are sooooo right on! I think what surprised me the most was that my former coworkers wanted almost nothing to do with me….I was also a little hurt. Anyway, thanks for a great article, it’s nice to know that I’m not alone …. and please keep writing!!!
I’m not at retirement age yet. But at over-40 and facing empty nest syndrome, I’ve been thinking a lot about my next 40 years…God willing! It’s been a lot of introspection about how I can help pad our money but still stay mostly home to continue gardening and enjoy my Introvert Life. I’m hoping that whatever I come up with will take me through retirement and make a seamless transition between Now and Then.
I really appreciate this post a lot because it confirms a lot of what I had suspected anyway. Thank you! It makes me feel that most of what I was worried about will probably work out in the wash if given time.
Gaye,
Thanks for the new post! It made me happy to hear from you. I have missed your perspective and curiosity about life and ways of living.
Appreciated the retirement post … another helpful way to approach living!
You and your thoughts are appreciated!
Thanks again.
Georgia
I love retirement & seem to be as busy as I was before but at different things. I garden & can more & sew craft items for the holiday bazarres. But my house doesn’t seem to get cleaned any more often than when I worked 2 jobs! Haha
Ha ha ha ha ha … funny how that works (the house cleaning part).
Hi Gaye–
It’s always appreciated when a link to one of your missives shows up in my inbox. I very much miss your previous publishing schedule and reports on your adventures in prepping. I think many of us do.
We retired at about the same time last year. My biggest problem was all the research my husband had done on “what to expect in retirement.”
“No, dear, I do NOT want to run right out and volunteer and sign up for special interest groups and take classes and make lots of new friends. No, I am not bored and lonely just because I spend my days alone. I put up with too many yammering idiots for too many years not to appreciate the quiet peacefulness of listening to my own thoughts waft through my brain. I’m enjoying catching up on my reading. I like being able to stay up until 3 in the morning playing a computer game and to take a nap in the afternoon if it feels right. The new friends I’ve made live in my computer, but why should that surprise you? I met YOU online and that seems to be working out all right. I’ll let you know when I’m ready for my next big adventure.”
**sigh**
You’re totally on the money about the broken connections between Life Before and Life After, but I was prepared for that. We’d been bracing for a possible drop in income, but it turns out to have been negligible. That could change at any time, of course, and I keep an eye on the headlines for possible cliffs ahead on the journey. In the meantime, we’re paying down debt and trying to be conservative in our spending. The older I get, the less I seem to want or need anyway. My “been-theres, done thats” are volunteering and various classes. The hub wants to travel, but we’re still constrained by his work schedule and will be for many years to come. Just because life gets simpler doesn’t mean it’s free of speed bumps.
I concur with your “you have to do what’s right for YOU” sentiment. But hasn’t that always been the case? I wish you many more successful years in charting your new course.
Nicole
I have been very lucky to have my husband remind me daily that I have earned the right to be lazy – or what I call “a slug” on some days. Still, just yesterday I felt a twinge of guilt for not being more productive. Then I sat outside, pulled out some pencils and a coloring book, and turned on my audiobook. About an hour later the elk came through, munching their way through the forest. It was glorious.
Like you, I am not bored or lonely at all. Just a tad guilty because society expects me to WANT to be a social butterfly 24/7 and I am simply not wired that way.
Anyway, thanks for checking in and reminding me that I have some wonderful online friends!
Hi Gaye,
I’ll be 60 in a few months but have been retired for 8 years. It was a choice to follow my wife’s career path rather than mine. It has worked out well for us, thanks in part to our move to an area similar to yours. We’re in southwestern New Mexico near Silver City. We LOVE it here.
While she works in retail, I have become a househusband and some time blogger. I have recently embarked on an old passion that I never had the opportunity to pursue. It may turn into a business opportunity. Even if the primary aspect doesn’t pan out, I’ve discovered a potential product line that might. I’ve been called a technogeek for many years and I may be venturing into a more artistic avenue of my life. Now THAT’s a scary thought!
Like so many others, I look forward to every email from you. I followed Backdoor for a long time and now prefer to see Strategic in my inbox.
I wish you the best on your journey. Always remember the stresses are minimized by the joys of just being you.
My husband followed the same path as you and retired at 52 while I continued along my own career paths. He has been a fantastic house spouse! I was very ambitious and thought I would want to work forever but then I started to get tired. I gave up my accounting practice first and then, as you know, Backdoor Survival. It was difficult and as I wrote in this article, some days I still struggle.
One thing that I have done with Strategic Living is to write for the joy of it, when and if serendipity strikes. And also if I have something worthwhile to say. An issue with many blogs these days (in my opinion) is the pressure to blog frequently in order to keep the ad revenue going. Since Strategic has no ads other than the occasional Amazon and Spark Naturals links, I don’t have that pressure.
Anyway, thanks for checking in and reminding me to by joyful and not stressed.