I always thought that if I was thin rather than chubby, my life would be perfect. When that happened and nothing changed, I thought okay, what I need is massive career success. And then, life would be perfect. Still no luck. Next came the fabulous house, fancy cruise ship vacations, and a social calendar chock full of end to end activity.
Long story short, the perfect life was still elusive. The solution, in time, was to downsize, abandon city life, and move to an offshore island in Washington State, aka the most beautiful place on the planet.
Once there, something magical happened. The outdoors became my haven. With miles of shoreline coupled with wooded trails, the beauty and serenity became my friend. There were no big box stores or shopping malls, and no keeping up with an exhausting social calendar. Life was bliss. For awhile. The isolation and sameness eventually got to me so almost ten years later, I once again ran away, this time to Arizona.
But all was and is not perfect. I am still stressed and facing a to-do list that is growing so rapidly that I can not keep up. I thought about starting a bullet journal but that would be one more chore. The answer, perhaps, is to adopt a “good enough” mentality and to quit chasing perfection.
Quit Chasing Perfection and Get On With Life
In the journey of life, I have learned that perfection is an elusive rat hole that is unachievable. It has taken retirement to bring me to this realization. Without deadlines, there comes a clarity of spirit and mind. Who would have thought it? After due consideration, here are some of the simple strategies I have embraced to let go of perfection.
6 Simple Strategies for Letting Go of Perfection
1. Be slow to say yes and quick to say no
My A-type personality compels me to respond to every request and to be a friend to everyone. “Yes, of course” are words I say often. Now I think first and speak later. Sometimes I stall so I can give the request due consideration. Alternatively, just say no from the get go and move on. Done.
2. Say goodbye to hurtful experiences that occurred in the past
It happens to all of us. Something happened years ago and we can’t let go. Well, let it. Whether a family, friend or work situation, letting it go and moving on will give you a renewed outlook. Self-serving as it is, this really works.
3. Clean up your digital life
There are three parts to this.
First, if there is no reason to respond to a text or email, don’t. Talk about a time sink. Believe me, I send out tons of emails that require no acknowledgment and yet I get pinged back 50% of the time. putting me on a digital treadmill. I have stopped responding to each and every digital message. So far, the extra time I have added to my day surpasses the guilt I feel for not being “responsive”.
Second, there is no way in heck you are going to read everything that hits your inbox, so don’t just hit the delete key, unsubscribe to superfluous newsletters and RSS feeds. If you miss them, you can always subscribe later, right?
Third, take a Facebook (or email, Twitter, Pinterest) holiday. You do not have to be a millennial to suffer from the “if I don’t check Facebook I might miss something” syndrome. I can say with 100% certainty that stepping away from Facebook for a day, a week, or even a month will not damage your reputation among your peers. The reward from stepping back for a period will be time to do something else. And I mean lots of time, so much so that you just might be shocked. I was. These days I check my personal Facebook page maybe twice a week and I am here to say I lived through it.
4. Remind yourself that the “Good Enough Method of Housekeeping” is really good enough
Maintaining a clean, tidy, and uncluttered home is a proven stress reliever Being able to eat off your floors? Not so much. In years past, I have been so driven to have a spotless home that I would put off meeting with friends or pursuing leisure activities to I could scrub, clean, and do laundry. These days I prioritize. Scrumptiously clean bathrooms and kitchen counters and sinks? Definitely. Making the bed so it looks Pinterest picture perfect? Not so much.
Pencil out your priorities and draw a line at the point where things are good enough.
5. Quitting is okay
Whether it is a new hobby that did not pan out, a book that is tedious and boring, or something else, sometimes you have to give it up. This happens to me a lot with my grown-up coloring pages. After getting started on a project that is less than stellar, I feel compelled to finish. This makes me resentful of a hobby I love which is just plain stupid. Now I scribble up the page, tear it out of the book, wad it into a ball, and dump it in the recycle bin. Yes, a minor but harmless, temper tantrum but so what? Out of sight, out of mind. It works,
6. Play more, work less
Do kid stuff. Kids are unspoiled by life and pursue pleasure without getting bogged by coulda woulda shoulda events of the past. Play with your dog, put together puzzles, color in grown-up coloring books, or build a sand castle. Take some time to get out from under deadlines and just play for the sake of enjoyment with no goal other than mindless distraction.
Perfection As a Relationship Mindset
After reading through these six strategies you may be scratching your head and asking what some of these have to do with perfection.
To address that, let me say this: being perfect can take many forms, including having perfect relationships. Remember to include yourself in that equation. Saying no (or not saying yes), taking adequate time to play, and spending less time being social and more time with yourself can all contribute to a more stress-free life. It is a mindset you may need to get used to but once you do, you will sleep better and wake each morning with a renewed gusto for doing the stuff – whatever that stuff may be.
Final Thoughts
I want to share a quote from Greg McKeown and his book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. He says:
“… for a type A personality, it is not hard to push oneself hard. Pushing oneself to the limit is easy! The real challenge for the person who thrives on challenges is to not work hard. “
That, for me, pretty much summarizes what we need to do to accept being less than perfect. I don’t know about you, but for me, not working so hard and not being so perfect go hand in hand.
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Strategic Haul: I have had a few requests to bring back the “Bargain Bin”. For those of you not familiar, in my previous life, my blog posts included a section where I would suggest products that support the topic at hand. With the Strategic Haul, I want to bring that back in an abbreviated form. These are products I have purchased myself and own and use on a regular basis. Most include affiliate links so just to be clear, I do earn a small commission on your purchase.
Grown-up Coloring Books: Being less than perfect means finding more time for quiet pursuits. This week I am spending some time relaxing and enjoying The Artful Mandala by Cher Kaufman. The page below was done using inexpensive Sharpies with glitter accents from gel pens.
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Don_in_Odessa says
Wisdom comes if we are lucky. Seems your experience has numbered you among those so blessed.
My work, by it’s nature demand’s perfection. I do crown and bridge work for dentists. A highly precision orientated product. For many years I stressed over the impossibility of ever attaining complete perfection on much of the work I do. The outcome of my work depends on the quality of the work the dentists send to me. Few of them are perfect. But, most demand perfection even though they don’t see the imperfection of their own work. The cursed with a demigod mentality as so many of the higher educated are. It was partly responsible for a season of self destructive behavior in my life.
Wisdom for me came in the form of the serenity prayer.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.”
One does not necessarily have to believe in some sort of higher power that has some power over the natural order of things for this prayer to be effective. It can just serve as a reminder that we are not always in control. But belief in said higher power, lends a major boost to it’s effectiveness.
Dee says
I’m with you about the The Serenity Prayer, only I took the whole prayer and applied each stanza one at a time until I could do it as habit (about 3 weeks). Then I moved on to do the whole prayer. I’m including the whole thing so people can see the possibilities. It’s been sooo worth the work since we are living in more stressful world than when I first did it.
GOD, grant me the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the
things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the
pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make
all things right if I
surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in
the next.
Amen
Gaye Levy says
When I was in my 20s, I had a poster with the Serenity Prayer displayed on a wall as a reminder of how I wanted to go forward in life. Thank you for bringing back to the forefront.
Dee says
I did too. Though my understanding of it now is sure better than it was then. 🙂 You’re most welcome.
MaAnna says
I’m not a perfectionist, but I am a craftsman and I appreciate things done well. I’ve learned that DONE is better than perfect. I’ve also learned that even my relaxed way of doing things is at a higher level of good than most and to enjoy that.
What I’ve learned since I started working for myself is to make me my first client and to take time away from the biz that is just a few steps away at all times. In other words, clock out and go have fun.
Gaye Levy says
An issue for many of us is that although we “clock out”, our mind is still consumed by work-related or chore-related to-dos. This is where a meditative hobby comes into play. For me it is coloring and learning to unleash my artistic inner self. I hope that your carving does that for you, MaAnna.
Georgia says
I, too was inspired by the idea of the Bullet Journal … my to do list combined with some art work … so I jumped in with a notebook and started …. but the reality of my current way of living combined with the potential of the BJ just didn’t work out. Not being a natural artist it took way more time than I could spare.
My to do list never seemed to get done … so I am back to my simple hand written lists … and things are getting done again. (big grin) When I let the BJ go, I felt a huge sigh of relief!
I’m taking up coloring at your recommendation … (Smile) Thanks for sharing!
Gaye Levy says
Relative to the Bullet Journal: I had an unused lined journal (the type students use) in my supply box so I pulled it out and set up separate pages for different types of tasks. As I complete an item, I cross it out much as I would do if the tasks were on a sticky note.
The most important items are highlighted with a yellow marker.
I am not bothering with the BJ-style index page, page numbering, and artsy fartsy details. Instead, I have created a nice tidy single source journal where I record all of my pending tasks. This has reduced the clutter on my desk immensely.
Georgia says
Gaye, I forgot to mention what I did save to use from the Bullet Journal system.
The page titled “When did I last _____ ” . (fill in the blank)
You can use this idea for chores of course, ie, “When did I last change the water filter?” But I use it to remember things like “When did I last watch a sunset?” Life/time seems to be moving much faster these days (and I hear that from the young as well as from the old) and sometimes I forget the simple things I enjoy (the list is long >grin< ). Now I am doing more of the things on this list as well and still getting my chores done.
Thanks again for your insights.
Any_Amy says
Great insights (says a life-long perfectionist who had to wait for disability to force her to set her priorities straight and accept the “good enough” in life)!